Dark Peonies

Diary: August 14, 2024

2 weeks… I am tired. Waiting for my period to start. I just feel exhausted, on the edge of breaking down and wanting to cry continuously. I don’t feel rage anymore, just sadness, blackness and guilt.  I woke up crying….. Again. I just want this to stop, I want

Diary: August 12, 2024

Luteal fase still isn’t over. Two days ago I went on a walk with my husband in our neighborhood and just couldn’t stop talking about how much rage I felt. So much anger, towards myself, towards the world, towards people. I hold it all in, always. But the

Diary: July 30, 2024

This is what severe PMDD or perimenopause (don’t know which one it is exactly in my case at the moment) looks like. It’s having a wonderful holiday but waking up with a sudden sense of blackness… waking up crying, feeling absolute lost and alone, not knowing how to

Verjaardag

Vandaag ben ik jarig. Zoals ik gewend ben op verjaardagen, hoor ik gestommel op de trap. Ik doe of ik nog slaap, want dat is onderdeel van het spel, van het verhaal en van de traditie. Zo doen we het, ieder jaar. Mijn krulspelden - of eigenlijk wokkels zoals mama

Blauwe streepjes

Het waren 2 streepjes. Je was twee blauwe streepjes. Op zo'n wit plankje. Ik was al lang 100 van die streepjes verder, maar het waren er nooit 2. Het was er steevast 1. Ik probeerde heel hard mijn best te doen om 2 van die streepjes te zien

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