Grey fog

I always call them the ‘dark clouds’, or the ‘dementors’, or just ‘the grey fog’. When it hits, it’s a lot. I see myself as a small person with a gigantic black monster walking beside me. This monster is feeding me with insecurity, dark thoughts and things that are not true. It says I’m not worth living, it tells me I don’t deserve people that love me, it says that I need to go away, it tells me I must quit my job, it repeats a mantra of me being ugly and the most horrible person in the world. It plays tricks with my mind. As I learned in therapy I picture myself surrounded by light, I picture myself as a grown up woman standing beside that small little me and help her. But sometimes it’s just too much… it’s just too much.